Beardface's stats
- Review count111
- Helpfulness votes16
- First reviewDecember 6, 2009
- Last reviewAugust 31, 2011
- Featured reviews0
- Average rating3.8
Overall rating
3
/
5
This is a great movie, for me to poop on!
PostedMay 31, 2011
Yes I plagiarized Comic the Insult Dog. But didn't Hangover II plagiarize the first movie. Yes I might not be as funny as the original, but can't the same be said for this movie.
***Spoiler Alert***Spoiler Alert***Spoiler Alert***Spoiler Alert***Spoiler Alert***
Problem 1: Premise. The movie ends on a happy note after this message is made: "Yes, I know that I am about to sleep with your daughter and quite possibly make her continue your blood line mixed with my blood, the blood of a man you disrespect as a professional, a man you disrespect as a fellow man, and a person you have contempt for as a human being. But you should except this because we are going to get married anyway, on your dime, and in your country (although you must admit that this part was actually to honor you). And we are going to do so after just moments before us getting married I created a fear that I might not make it, and that is because I involved your precious and favorite child (your teenaged son) in a night of debauchery which led to consuming alcohol and drugs to a point that he lost his finger (thus possibly destroying his future as a premiere musician or a clinical surgeon). I did this while I almost lost him to a city renown for missing persons; and by just the looks of him (on your daughter's wedding day no less) he nearly died. And I did this because I didn't have the guts not to invite the person most responsible for causing this mayhem, who I now realize is one of my closest and most important friends in the world, and this is because I have a demon in me that will lead me to do things I won't speak to you about (for although it was brought to your attention that I did previously marry a prostitute in Los Vegas, I won't discuss such things as having my rectal vault be violated to my crying pleasure by a Taiwanese tranny). But please give me your blessing, because I find that this may be important to us and to our future happiness."
Problem 2: Premise. Am I repeating myself? You mean that you'd agree and find it strange that a movie would be remade using pretty much the same story line and the same premise as the first movie, but just set in a different location, is somehow be a great concept, yes? The makers of this movie seem to be so in love with their formula that I would expect at least 2 more movies made using that same formula so that they could have a bachelor party for Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifinakakis. And you know it's the case that even people who are mocking this second film (e.g. your's truly) will likely go see them if for no other reasons than 1) to complete the experience and 2) because a bachelor party for these guys has the potential of being even more extreme. Even still, the formula is hard for me to get around given the idea that anyone can be so drunk or drugged that they could survive one night, much less two nights, being so intoxicated that they truly can't remember the night before despite how extreme that night was, and yet live day to day both as very functional members of society who somehow don't pay much of a price for what they do, including simply not having the same high jinks being done or normal days of the week (and not just special occasions).
Go see this film during a matinee when you don't want to think hard on what's happening in the world, even if that world is a fantasy one such as the one presented here.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
3
/
5
Good, but missing something
PostedMay 31, 2011
Great Animation
Impressive Story
Missing Life
Impressive Story
Missing Life
Somehow with all the good this movie offers it misses the mark. It was like watching a world renown symphony orchestra play Mozart or Beethwoven with a highly regarded conductor who is feeling under the weather but just well enough to come to work the day you go to the show. The animation was top notch and the 3D (which I usually rally against) made watching it even more amazing. The cast was for the most part of the original cast, great comedians and actors among them. The story was great. But somehow the chemistry between characters was lacking. The humor and drama, while present, was faint and limp. This was truly a great experience that had an ever present "off" aura that I couldn't ignore. Those able to ignore what I'm talking about probably are the many who rated this movie higher than me. I wish I was one of them when watching this film.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
3
/
5
Good, but not special
PostedMay 21, 2011
It was cool that the writers and/or Johnny Depp paid homage to Keith Richards by actually making him the father of Captain Jack Sparrow in the movie. What's more, his cameo alone works to make me look forward to a sequel. It was also cool to eliminate main characters who took took the focus off of Captain Jack (i.e. Orlando Bloom's character); some of the fight scenes especially made you appreciate why C.J.S. was the man in charge and the true protagonist. But overall I felt this movie wasn't very special or unique. I found myself again grateful that I didn't give in to the urge to watch it in 3D (clearly some shots were meant to be seen in 3D, but not ones so important to me that I care). Penelope Cruz is beautiful as always, but you'd think there'd be more sexual tension between her and Depp than a pseudo-homosexual kiss early on in the film (Keira Knightly did a much better job of bringing out this tension). Blackbeard was a cool character, but I felt his dark arts talents, as well as his ruthlessness, weren't exploited enough. And the cross between a mermaid and a vampire felt cliche (I mean, think about how nasty and creepy it would be to see someone beautiful whose smiling at you lovingly while choking you to death--not all monsters need fangs). And then there were the periods in the movie wherein I was just plain bored, underscored by the lack of humor that was sustained in the script. Despite my criticisms, it still was a decent movie, but no where near as fun as the first two.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
3
/
5
See the movie, but not in 3D
PostedMay 14, 2011
The movie was okay. Decently acted, a decent script, and decent CGI--nothing bad, but nothing special; the movie pays no homage to the vampire genre's history, but doesn't make a memorably unique re-envisioning either. The benefits that 3D offers for this movie is not worth the extra money; I was happy I went to the earliest matinee, and only wished I'd not let myself buy into the hype of 3D so that I could pay even less for this film. As with many films like this, they are better seen on the big screen if seen at all. So much potential, so little delivery--if it was a bad movie I could be angry at it, but there were enough good elements to this movie that it reeks of the empty staleness of disappointment. Like "Snakes on a Plane", had this been called "Futuristic-ish Vampire Killers Dressed Like Monks" I would have been more forgiving.
No, I do not recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
5
/
5
A past story that is appropriate for our times
PostedMay 2, 2011
Really well acted, very well reenacted, it is good to be reminded to do what is right always, not just what is right of might or what is in individual (or the masses) short sighted interests. It is also a reminder that we must make a choice: either America is a group of people, or America is a set of ideas. Ideas can live on forever, but alliances can always change depending on the times and peoples self interests in those times. Beware that you don't find yourself amongst the disenfranchised without an immortal code.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
4
/
5
Makes a gray world seem vibrant and interesting.
PostedApril 30, 2011
Paul Giamatti plays his usually self in another well placed role. Consequently, yet again he connects well with the audience, drawing in sympathy from us for taking actions that on paper would be sorely unjustifiable. Equally surprising is that the young actor who plays the central character pretty much plays himself. Lacking much acting ability, the director makes this flaw really work for a story that revolves around an awkward kid and his mentally impaired grandfather. I personally thought this was an interesting study on how there is a very distinct difference between what is morally right and what is socially or ethically acceptable, yet how easy it is for many to confuse the two different worlds and therefore be all the more willing to violate what would otherwise be clearly wrong. A well done story and a nicely produced film worth supporting in theater.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
5
/
5
Action at its best
PostedApril 30, 2011
Beautiful women. Fast cars. Funny remarks. Good story development. Loads of action. Almost believable fantasy. And a future movie to come. Psychologically satiating, I don't think action movies get much better than this.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
2
/
5
Okay, I guess.
PostedApril 29, 2011
Not particularly funny, not particularly creepy or scary, not particularly innovative, not intellectually stimulating, not particularly action packed. But also not really bad. A movie meant for people who work really, really hard in life and when they want to relax, they would like to be able to be entertained while being almost brain dead. A movie meant for people who are bored and just need something to do, even if that means sacrificing 1hr and 47mins of your life to the occult. But it was okay, I guess, particularly for the cheap matinee.
No, I do not recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
5
/
5
Creepy and fun
PostedApril 24, 2011
I watched this movie because it was touted as being made by the makers of Saw and Paranormal Activity. I really enjoyed those movies personally, and this one deserved to be listed among them. Not always shocking, and not always a blood bath, this movie told a good story--although at rather a fast pace for the content involved--and I was thoroughly entertained. The makers combined the suspenseful and disturbing elements of horror with witty fun and heart strings pulling drama--this movie was the complete and real deal in horror entertainment.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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Overall rating
4
/
5
Good, worth watching, but not great.
PostedApril 9, 2011
I would recommend seeing this movie, and while in a way I was disappointed by the film's ending, the more I think about it the more I think it had to end the way it did to account for some of the holes in the film. Well done overall, but I find myself again thinking that something unidentifiable but important is missing here. And again I am saying this about a movie that was well done all around.
Yes, I recommend this movie.
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